Things to do in London when you're dead

Somebody made a break for it.

Inspired by gothic sensibilities and a disdain for the usual London attractions, today's highlight was a visit to the Victorian Valhalla of Highgate Cemetery.

The tour ('booking essential!') was led by a suitably eccentric-looking white-haired gentleman in a velvet jacket, and included a pair of young goth lovers in long black many-zippered overcoats and dark glasses.

Naturally the conditions were overcast, with light sprinklings of rain and screeching crows adding to the enjoyable atmosphere of doom and decay. With a small effort, it was possible to wrench our attention away from the loved-up goths and marvel at the final resting places of the good and great (eg. Karl Marx). Pessimistic-looking angels were a popular theme in the area, as were greek columns symbolically broken halfway up and large urns draped in shrouds.

Towards the end of the tour our guide pushed open the huge iron door of a catacomb and beckoned us inside, warning that photography was forbidden as this was an 'open grave'. Revealed in the dank & chilly interior were ancient coffins stacked lengthways in slots in the wall.

Interesting decorative features were pointed out by him whacking the decayed coffin with his torch for emphasis, causing the mouldy 150-year-old wood to disintegrate a little more. Not to worry though, for it was explained to us that inside the wooden shell nestled a second lead casket, the purpose being to trap the vestiges of whatever horribly contagious disease had finished off the occupant.
Well that's all right then.

A nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there.