Tonight I abscond the country. Not in a bid to flee justice after the slaying of a phlegm-snorting sausage-devouring colleague as you might suppose, but on my annual holiday.
Based on my experience of holidays (especially abroad) booked significantly in advance, I present the 7 Stages of Holiday Anticipation:
Stage 1: (3 months to go) - Self-congratulation & excitement.
It’s booked! It’s going to be amazing! The joy of the family reunion, the concerts I’ll attend, the cultural experiences I’ll soak up…
Stage 2: (2.9 months to go) - Crippling feelings of anxiety.
Will stony-hearted employers deny leave? Will an inconvenient volcano spew engine-melting ash into the environment? Will discontented air-stewards strike and force the airline into bankruptcy? Could my passport have treacherously expired unnoticed? Etcetera.
Stage 3: (2.7 months to go) - Complacency.
No imminent threats to the holiday detected. I can relax.
Stage 4: (2.5 months to go) - Depression.
The holiday is so far off in the distant future as to offer no real hope of escape. Daily drudgery continues unabated. This stage persists until…
Stage 5: (2 weeks to go) - Glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
The longed-for day of departure is now close enough to be a reality. Envious colleagues begin to comment on my imminent absence.
Stage 6: (1 week to go) - Growing excitement.
Time to swing into action, make arrangements, research fun events/tours taking place at my destination.
Stage 7: (1 day to go) - Crippling feelings of anxiety.
Researched and arranged nothing. Luggage exceeding measly airline allowance, possible cold incubating, national petrol shortage threatening trip to the airport.
Further holiday updates to follow.
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