Smashed

Driving to badminton practice tonight, I got off the highway at the notorious Corlett Road off-ramp. I know of several people who've been the victim of smash-and-grab incidents there, so I usually approach the intersection with caution.

It was very dark, but as I crept slowly up in the right hand lane I spotted a man loitering near the curb. He turned and began to approach my car from the rear on the driver's side. I darted forward and changed lanes, fervently willing the traffic lights to hurry up and turn green. As I was peering suspiciously at him in the rear view mirror and plotting further evasive action, my passenger window exploded inwards with a huge bang and a shower of glass. The man's hitherto-unseen accomplice lunged right into the car and grabbed my iPhone from its cradle. The soothing melodies of Roxy music abruptly died as he ripped out the phone and its iTrip cord, and I watched nonplussed as these two fuckers scuttled off up the embankment.

Resigned, I drove to the nearest police station and went through the incredibly long and pointless charade of giving a statement to the superbly pointless South African Police Force. Fortunately both car and phone are insured. At last I was free to drive home, with arctic winds blasting the interior of the car and bits of glass embedded in my backside. I have now fashioned a truly classy interim replacement window out of a dry cleaning bag and some packaging tape.