grey day

A bleak and rainy morning. Was confined to the house for the whole day due to the presence of workmen replacing some tiles in the lounge floor, which regularly erupts upwards in mini seismic events. With the level of skill found in the original construction of this house, the tiles are essentially stuck to the floor with chewing gum seemingly. This procedure took up most of my precious Saturday, and coated the contents of the house in a fine layer of grey dust.


When it was over I was left with a bin bag full of building debris to carry out to the refuse area. The bag was stupendously heavy and could only be moved by dragging it painfully along the ground. It soon became a little easier to pull, but it dawned on me that this was because the bottom of the bag had been worn away, leaving a trail of concrete chunks and dirt all the way to the bins.

Tunnel, light

Toilet Phone is gradually regenerating itself in a quite miraculous way. This could be attributed to the fact that its immersion was pre rather than post-toilet use, so it was saturated only by untainted H20. Today it regained the ability to generate sound, certainly a quality one looks for in a phone. The little flash light is also no longer permanently switched on. This is all very impressive since that phone was well and truly submerged for the time it took me to overcome a natural aversion to plunging my hand into a toilet. Actually I suspect the battery life of the phone may even have increased as a result of this incident.

iPhish

Just been reluctantly fishing my brand spanking new iPhone 4S out of the toilet bowl. That's the one I received from insurance a bare 3 weeks ago when my car window was bashed in and my beloved iPhone 4 snatched by a criminal lowlife. It still sort of works, except if you want to hear what the people you're calling are actually saying. Also the light on the flash helpfully stays on now even when the power is off.

fast food nation

The new job proves demanding. Spending two hours a day in traffic, sitting in endless meetings and checking peoples' dodgy layouts leaves little time for activities like cooking an actual evening meal. Regular consumption of KFC plus no exercise will soon render me a flabby, stressed-out wreck. Rehydrated instant mashed potato seems likely to become my primary intake of vegetables.

Cruel fate

Back to buying lottery tickets again. Got really excited checking today's ticket: 9... YES!  11... YES! Then for every following number, I was just one digit away. ie. 48 when the winning number was 47, 15 when it should have been 16 etc. Why does the universe taunt me like this? 

winter of discontent

Thanks to the cold snap currently going on, I awoke to the bleak reality of monday morning curled up in the foetal position in one corner of the bed. I have been managing to drag myself out of bed in the stygian pre-dawn gloom in order to get to work on time, but at what cost to my mental well-being I would like to know. Whoever made up this 8:30 rule did not foresee the exponential increase in city traffic of the last decade.

This past weekend was delightful not least because of the novelty of being at home during daylight hours. I stumbled in after nightfall this evening and knocked over the DVD stand while trying to turn on a lamp. Admittedly it is not the most stable of furnishings, since I made it myself during a period of enforced austerity years ago. It's toppled over a couple of times in the past. Now it's become a bit of a health hazard with pieces constantly being knocked off the glass shelving leaving some rather jagged platforms for the discs to rest upon.

At work, we have now moved offices. Only to about 20 feet away, but at least now when standing up I no longer slam my chair into the the back of the person behind me. I have a sliver of window with a view down into a sunken courtyard containing a Wendy house used by the smokers during inclement weather. S'great.

Days 4 & 5

Made a supreme effort and arrived on time at last. Today we trailed around grim 'emerging market' shopping malls with a Polaroid camera and notebook, checking out the merchandising efforts of our biggest client. Then back to the office for some inadequate sandwiches and a four hour meeting, during which the morning's observations were discussed at length and with unflagging enthusiasm. By 5 o'clock I personally had long ceased to care about the consumer path from the customer's car into our shop.

Day three

Late again, thanks to some legitimately dreadful traffic. (Will I ever manage to get here by 8:30am? It seems increasingly unlikely). Then a series of endless meetings until lunchtime. On the plus side, the canteen here is a far more professionally-run and hygienic affair than at the last place. The actual kitchen part is hidden behind a door with access only for canteen staff, so any dead underwater chickens or other food-related horrors are mercifully concealed.
Since advertising is a relatively tiny industry, I keep bumping into people I've worked with or known before and whose smutty pasts I am privy to. Most entertaining.
On the minus side, the internet connection here is just pathetic. 

Day two

Late again. Although by fewer minutes this time. I picked up my new company 'You Count' mug to get some tea this morning, and found a cockroach kicking weakly in yesterday's dregs.

New job

Day One: got up much earlier than usual, in keeping with the stipulated commencement of work at 8:30am (at previous company breezing in at 9 onwards was deemed acceptable). But thanks to the hanging out of much holiday washing, watching of Sky news and being trapped in horrendous traffic, I contrived to be late for my first day.

Most of the morning was spent in meetings, where people discussed important matters. I didn't contribute much (or anything, in fact) as I had no idea what they were on about. I did find out where the toilets were and procured an access tag with which to open doors. I now have an enormous wedge of forms to fill out for Human Resources, and a pretty handbook setting out the ethos of my new company. Must get to work on time tomorrow. That might go some way towards demonstrating the passion and commitment demanded by the handbook.

Return to the concrete jungle

  Arrived back in the smoggy old city this evening. Before I forget, here are some further highlights of the Amazing Safari Adventure:


 

-       Driving under a tree and disturbing a huge Martial Eagle perched there. It flew off overhead, dropping its mangled prey into the road ahead of us. This turned out to have been a tiny Steenbok, of which only one hoof and a head remained. Minus the eyeballs.

-       Spotting a nocturnal civet quietly ambling along by moonlight in front of the house. It was similar to a badger or raccoon in shape, but with cat-like markings. The secretions of the civet were apparently used as a fixative in perfumes for thousands of years.

-       Achieving the worst scrabble scores in the history of the game.

-       Shrinking down in an attempt to disappear under the dashboard as two lionesses sauntered towards our game-viewing vehicle. They stopped a relatively short distance away in order to start licking each other, thank God.

-       Almost seeing a leopard: last night its loud, sawing cough echoed out of the dark next to the house, greatly upsetting the troop of baboons roosting in a nearby tree and sending the humans scuttling for lights and binoculars. A large male leopard was seen by the carport, but not by me as per usual. Once again I failed to charge out with the required speed to glimpse it.